


I Will Sing

by Icarus (Slickarus)



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, DWSA - Freeform, Hopeful Ending, Suicide attempt but it's canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 00:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8919103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slickarus/pseuds/Icarus
Summary: Moritz agrees to walk Ilse home on that fateful afternoon.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Deaf West production, so the characters use sign language (denoted in italics).

_ “Goodnight Ilse.” _

_ “Goodnight?” _ The twilight cast long shadows on both of them, and Ilse had to struggle to see what he was telling her.

_ “Virgil, the equations, remember?” _

_ “Moritz,”  _ she signed, nice and slow, then looked right in his eyes.  _ “You’re out by yourself, in the snow. You can’t imagine I believe you’re going to head back home.” _ The wind whistled and she could see Moritz’s already disheveled hair standing on end. “ _ At least in my house there won’t be this wind. An hour, that’s all.” _

Moritz looked around, as if searching for a reason to leave.

_ “We’re not far,” _ she smiled at him.  _ “You might do well to see it.” _ She took his lack of protest as a yes and gently took his hand, leading him down the streets as the night gradually darkened, as did the number of lights coming from within the houses around them.

He let go of her for a moment to ask  _ “What is this place?” _ She laughed.

_ “I take it you’ve never been out here before.” _ His fingers were too cold to tell her that he hadn’t, so he just shook his head and followed her down the winding street until they came to a run-down looking building. He could see a dim light through the grimy windows, a candle or two maybe.  _ “Home,”  _ Ilse smiled sadly and yanked open the door.

She led him up a set of stairs, and though he couldn’t hear the groans they made under their feet, Mortiz felt them give way a little every time he took a step. Ilse had to push with her shoulder to open the attic door, and she stumbled inside when it lurched open. She lit a candle and started to rummage around for another when Moritz tapped her on the shoulder.

_ “You really live here?” _ His hands shook a little in the cold and he quickly tucked them back in his coat. Ilse lit another candle and pulled out an old blanket.

_ “I’ve gotten used to it. At least here there’s quiet neighbors. It’s not always this nice.”  _ Ilse patted the spot next to her on the floor, and Moritz sat. She wrapped the blanket around him, but stopped when she felt something hard against his side. Moritz couldn’t register what she’d found until she had already pulled the gun from his pocket.

_ “Give me that,”  _ he signed roughly, reaching for the gun, but Ilse scrambled to her feet quickly. She kept a tight grip on it as she registered what it was for.  _ “I’m serious.” _ She tucked the gun tightly under one arm so she could respond.

_ “Is this why you were out by yourself? What were you thinking?”  _ He lunged again, and she dodged, nearly knocking over the candle.

_ “That’s mine!” _

_ “Why, Moritz? Why would you do this?”  _ Moritz stopped his frantic grabbing and collapsed to the floor with his hands in his face. His shoulders shook.

_ “I promised myself I would _ n’t cry,” he signed between wiping at the tears welling in his eyes. Ilse cautiously unloaded the gun before sitting down next to him and putting her arms over his shoulders. She rubbed his back while his body was racked with sobs.

“Shh, it’s alright,” she said out loud, more to her own comfort than his. When his tears had subsided, she pulled away to face him.  _ “Do you want to talk about it?” _ He shrugged his shoulders.

_ “I...failed. I won’t be promoted next semester, and my father’s going to kill me anyway, so I figured I’d do it myself.” _

_ “He’s not going to kill you.”  _ He shook his head.

_ “You don’t know him like I do. I wanted to run away but I was too scared to do that, so,” _

_ “So you tried to take the fastest way out.” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “What are you going to do now?” _

_ “I can’t go back home. Not home. I can’t go back to my house - my father.” _

_ “Where else, then?” _

_ “I don’t know. Heaven. I’ll go join the angels.”  _ He reached again for the gun lying on the floor, but Ilse took his arm to stop him.

_ “You know that’s not the answer.” _

_ “Do I? Because right now it feels like there’s nowhere for me to turn. Not to my family, not to my classmates. Haven’t you felt like this before?” _

_ “Yes, but the difference is that I never pulled the trigger.” _

_ “Maybe if you’d picked up the gun you would have.” _

_ “You don’t think I’ve been there? You don’t think I’ve been where I found you? I’ve been there. I’ve been there more times than I can count on this hand. Do you want to know why I’m still breathing?” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Don’t laugh.” _

_ “I don’t think I can anymore.”  _ Ilse cracked a smile.

_ “I think of what will happen when summer comes.” _ She looked dreamily at the bare wall. _ “I think of warm sun, and green grass, and endless blue skies, and wildflowers. I say to myself ‘wait until the summer - then see’ and so I wait.” _

_ “That’s it? Wait until the summer?” _

_ “Picture yourself lying in the shade of some great tree - really picture it. Taste crisp red apples, and golden corn. Listen to birdsong and children playing, and tell me you can’t wait for that.” _

_ “I guess I can. But in the meantime, what am I to do? Summer seems so far away, and it’s so cold right now.” _

_ “Do you think you can go home? Try one more time?”  _ Moritz began to move his hands to protest, but Ilse cut him off.  _ “Once. I promise. If you can stay, do. If you can’t, I don’t want to find you out in the cold; I want you to come here. I’ll help you get to summer.” _

_ “It’s getting dark out.” _

_ “Then I’ll walk you home.” _ She grabbed the gun. _ “And I’m taking this.” _ Moritz opened the door, and a draft of cold wind blew through the room. They wrapped their coats tighter.  _ “Are you ready?” _

_ “I don’t know.” _

_ “Me neither.”  _ She reached out for Moritz’s hand, and he took it. Although Moritz couldn’t hear Ilse’s faint humming as they walked down the stairs or back out into the cold, it wound its way through the winter air and up the streets. Maybe he couldn’t fly, and maybe she couldn’t fly, but her tune could, like a butterfly, oblivious to the winter’s rules.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy - this is technically the first Spring Awakening fic I started. Feedback is appreciated!


End file.
